There probably isn’t a single woman who hasn’t heard (at least once) – “You are not ladylike” or, “You don’t behave like a girl”? Fact is, these are exactly what women don’t want to hear anymore.
In a society, if we are fighting for equality and eliminating discrimination, then we also need to wipe out certain age-old ideas that we have harbored about genders and how they “should” behave.
There’s no hard and fast rule as to how someone is “supposed to be.” Every individual is unique and that’s why we are all the same. That applies to women too.
But most importantly, there are these three strong phrases that are often directed to women. They might not sound wrong at the first instance, but are greatly misunderstood. Or you could say, that what these phrases are supposed to mean is often misunderstood. And that needs to change right now!
Women don’t want to hear…
Be a lady
The dictionary defines “ladylike” as someone who is “graceful, polite, and behaving in a way that is thought to be socially acceptable for a woman”. Unfortunately, with time, it also got translated as someone “lacking in strength, force, or virility”. Misinterpreted much?
Come to think of it, grace, politeness, or having social manners are characteristics and not gender roles.
To be acceptable in a social environment, anyone, irrespective of a man or a woman (or otherwise) should have these traits, no? But then why and how these qualities came to be limited to only a woman?
No one knows and surprisingly no one ever questioned. But now we are! History is proof that women have been strong and powerful when in need, they are a force of nature, probably much more than their male counterparts. Sadly though, societies across the world still expect women to be “ladylike” and yet, they want us to think like a man so we can fit into the “man’s world” and work like a horse because we are “supposed to work twice harder”.
We say STOP.
You are not like other girls
This phrase has become something that no woman, no girl, actually wants to hear. It might seem like praise but it is a deep-rooted gender criticism couched as a compliment.
This statement is problematic and there are many reasons and rationale behind it.
A compliment is supposed to make us feel better about ourselves, our abilities, or whatever that we are doing which is not like the rest. It makes us feel special and lets us stand out among the crowd. But, as a matter of fact, the statement also diminishes the rest of the female population.
Without actually saying it, it means “other girls are not great but you are” or “your gender is collectively bad, but since you are different than them, you are good.”
This is a double-edged sword and a very ugly one that can penetrate so deep in the mind that when a woman internalized this as a compliment, it starts to build a common hatred and loathing towards all femininity.
It’s a kind of misogyny that women themselves don’t realize can exist within their tribe. ‘You Are Not Like Other Girls’ is a sexist stereotype that goes unnoticed; it is neither praiseworthy nor genuine.
Throwing such statements around refutes the very meaning of empowerment.
You fight like a girl
What do you think or imagine when you hear “fight like a girl’? Conventionally, the phrase never carried a positive connotation. “Fighting like a girl” used to mean a slap on the wrist, weak nerve, or not being strong enough (physically of course) like men are. Truth be told, the term has remained derogatory for women.
This must change. In the light of empowerment, “to fight like a girl” has evolved into a motivational and inspirational phrase for girls and women.
To fight like a girl is to choose to stand up for yourself and keep fighting. It is to be in it to win it. It is about overcoming stereotypes that weaken us from within or to let go of the negativity that pulls us down in our endeavors.
When you fight like a girl, you feel confident and in control of yourself and your situation, and then with that confidence, you push your community forward, stand up for other women and empower them.
When you fight like a girl, you stay optimistic, encourage others, love, live, care for yourself, and others.
Remember the lyrics from the Bomshel song,
“So, hold your head high, Don’t ever let ’em define The light in your eyes Love yourself, give them Hell You can take on this world You just stand and be strong And then fight Like a girl”.
We don’t want the world or even ourselves to define us by our gender, our appearances, and our natural traits, but rather by what we do, how we fare in the complex, challenging social environment. Now, that is when we can feel truly empowered.
